Father of Mine | #BehindTheBlogger
Father’s Day is around the corner, and I could use this prompt to do the obvious of speaking about the awesomeness that is my dad. However, there has been something on my mind, that is really starting to bother me, so I will address it here.
I am adopted, so I have a biological father, and then I have my dad. I found my bio father about 6 years ago, and I am glad that I did. It gave me the opportunity to learn more about myself, and where I came from. It also gave me the chance to learn a bit more about the circumstances of my adoption. In having conversations with my bio father, I learned a few things…
Like the fact that he had the chance to take me, and chose not to, for reasons that I don’t currently wish to discuss. He asked me once if I was angry that he had made the choice that he did, and I told him that I was not. Why? you may ask…well, for starters it wouldn’t have changed anything. No, I am not angry with him for making the choice that he did, THIS is why I am angry:
I am angry because nobody gets to decide WHO I should want to visit and when.
I am angry because you don’t get to speak negatively about the family that CHOSE me
I am angry because you decided early on that I was not worthy of your name
I am angry because it’s too little too late.
Yes, I love you, BUT I have a dad. One that chose ME; one that even though we haven’t always seen eye to eye, still loves me; one that taught me right from wrong, honesty, loyalty, and compassion; one that remembers his grandkids on their special days; and that always knows what to say, when I am feeling at my worst. True, his DNA might be different than mine, but HE is my dad, and as such I will ALWAYS choose him first.
You don’t have the right to make me feel bad for wanting to spend time with HIM; you don’t have the right to try and guilt trip me because I don’t come to family functions…remember, you decided early on I wasn’t worthy of your family. Yes, I love the family I found, but don’t think for a moment that just because we share similar DNA, that my bio family is above the one that CHOSE me because they are not. They will always come first, my dad will always come first.
So, if I forget from time to time that I have another grandmother, or I don’t call on your birthday, or even forget to call on Father’s Day, don’t fault me…I love you, yes, dear Father of Mine, but you come second to everyone else. Just like I came second to you.
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