#BehindTheBlogger If It Happens Again

#BehindTheBlogger If It Happens Again


How many times have you heard her say “If it happens again, I will leave” only to have it happen again and she stays? How many times have you judged her? How many times have you ignored her calls for help, because you feel like it is a live action version of The Boy Who Cried Wolf?

Who is she to you? Mom, sister, daughter, friend…self? Maybe only if the person crying for help is you, do you truly understand what is happening. Far too often we hear people question why an abused woman doesn’t just leave her abuser. Then the judgment comes…if it were that bad, she would leave; She was asking for it.; She probably started it. Then you have the sanctimonious women that claim loudly that they would never be in that position because they are a stronger woman…a better woman. As if abuse won’t come to those who feel superior.

I’ve been there you know, and no amount of doing what he wants, will change what he does. It’s not a matter of IF it will happen again, but WHEN it will happen again. However, it isn’t easy to walk away either. Often times an abuser will manipulate a woman into believing she has no one; or he will make sure she has nothing to start over with. And the kids? you can’t raise them on love alone.

Sadly, all of this seems like excuses to those who don’t understand. We have become a society that is desensitized to violence, quick to blame the victim and applaud the abuser. A society that uses social media to live record domestic violence, child abuse, rape, torture, and murder. A society that actively seeks out these videos, so we can watch it all unfold, then pretend that we are appalled while in the same sentence blaming the victim.

So it’s no wonder that abused women feel like they can’t leave…society continually tells them it’s their own fault. When they reach out, they are met with unanswered calls or judgment. Do you really want to help a woman escape the abuse? then be there, every time. Answer every call. Help undo the mind manipulation that says no one cares. Help her believe she IS worthy…of love, kindness, friendship. She likely can’t break the cycle alone, but with the right help, she can…and she can thrive. When she comes to you and excuses the behavior, and makes that all too familiar statement “If It Happens Again” Don’t shame her, just ask her “What Can I do To Help?” and help break the cycle.

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